Darling husband and I have been in each other’s lives for more than (I can’t believe this) thirty-five years, and have been married for twenty-nine. I often get asked how we keep our marriage going; how we keep the flame alive in the day-to-day drudgery of work and family and chores. How is it that we’ve managed to stay together when so many marriages and partnerships fall apart?
Beats the hell outta me.
Remember the first time you kissed someone? Remember that electric feeling all the way down to your toes and back over your scalp? Most people think that spark will be there forever, if you find your true once-upon-a-time soul mate. I’m here to tell you this idea is a fallacy, a myth, and a hoax. Don’t buy into it because it won’t happen. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy kissing (and other fun things) with your significant other, I’m just saying that particular thrill wears off in a hurry.
But there are other things to replace it.
When you are absolutely gross and schlumpy and two days away from your last shower, and your darling still wants to smooch you. When you don’t have to draw straws to clean the litter box, but both of you volunteer. When a fight turns into a discussion, and then turns into laughter once the issue’s been resolved. But the big one is this: when you realize the other person knows everything about you, and still wants to stick around anyway.
That’s magic. That’s the thrill that will last a lifetime. He or she knows all your secrets, all your bad habits, all your petty still-act-like-a-toddler hot buttons, and yet they still CHOOSE YOU. No matter what. It’s way better than any first kiss, my friends. To know, with certainty, your partner isn’t going anywhere? To know they want to be with you? To know that freedom?
It keeps the flame alive. It’s a blessing from all the pixies and fairies. And it’s truly a Dweam Wiffin a Dweam. (*credit to William Goldman, The Princess Bride)