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Carbs, I hardly knew ye…

The carbs are gone, and it’s not just because it’s the New Year. I’m not one of those people who bitches about gaining a few pounds over the holidays then loses it by skipping a few lunches and adding a yoga class.

Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! *snort* Hang on, I have to wipe my eyes.

As the pictures of darling husband’s party attest, my ass is the size of a small Eastern European country. A special bonus is now I even have a flabby belly to go with it – imagine my excitement! I enjoy being 40-something. Really I do.

Today is day one of low- to no-carbs. It works for me. I feel better, I sleep better, and I lose weight… then once I drop a ton or two, I can exercise without fear of rupturing my lungs or eyeballs. But no carbs means I can’t eat some of my Christmas treats, including my See’s ScotchMallows.

These are deliciousness incarnate…dark chocolate, caramel and just a touch of chewy marshmallow. Oh. My. Bob. One or two is enough to change someone’s mood. And by someone, I mean me.

But after today, no more carbs. No See’s. No Rocky Road. No toast. Have mercy. I’ll really miss toast. I’ve got the picture of me, my eighteen chins, my seven-month pregnant yet NOT PREGNANT belly, and the afore-mentioned ginormous ass on the side of the fridge where I can see it. I have a long, long way to go, and the more I can convince myself of a carb-allergy, the easier it will be to stick with it.

Pray for me. And the ScotchMallows. And the toast. Please don’t forget about the toast.


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