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Call Me, Amy

Dear Amy –

This is a hard time for you, I’m sure, with the news and the world all agog about your split from Will. I know I’ve been hard to reach with a land line, a cell phone, FaceBook and Twitter accounts – and who do you need at a time like this but your BFF from across the country? (Or farther up the coast, depending on where you are.) I wish you had called me and talked to me about this. Was it Will? Was it you? Was it your careers? Who knows.

And let’s discuss what ‘very amicable’ means, shall we? Does that mean the screaming was minimal when you kicked his ass to the curb? Does it mean he caught you smooching someone else and threatened to shank the dude? Really? A marriage is ending, two adorable boys are involved, and it’s ‘very amicable’? Hell, I’m not even involved in this and it made me run-for-the-chocolate sad.

Amicable, my ginormous ass.


I hope your other (not as good as me) friends are helping you through this time. I hope the boys are managing, too. You must be shooting “Parks & Rec” now, so I imagine your schedule is hectic, which is good. Stay busy.

Please call me if you need some help. I’ve got a lot of experience with boys if you need a sitter. I have Duplos, wooden blocks, and a billion and six Matchbox cars. Bring ’em up here for a little Portlandia fun. And you know, you could all come up here and share in the glory that is Oregon in September. We could chat, open bottle or six of wine on the Riviera and pour our hearts out. You know you want to.

With love and sadness, the BFF you’ve never met  –



2 Responses

  1. You take Amy; I’ll take Will…

  2. He’s a cutie. And his voice is a panty-melter. There. I said it. Sorry, relatives, but it’s the truth. 🙂

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