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Delusional But Happy


Dear Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess),

Hi! How are you? I know you’ve been in the hospital with some health issues, and I’m so sorry about that. I hope you’re feeling better now! I’ll send you some Rocky Road ice cream – unless you’re lactose intolerant, or don’t eat sugar, or have an aversion to cold things, or don’t like Baskin Robbins, or… how about I hold off sending get-well food until I can check with you, okay?

Since you’ve followed me on Twitter (and thanks SO much for following me), you should know you’re now one of my BFF’s. Also on the BFF bench are Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and Melissa McCarthy – so you’ve got some pretty good company. I’ve been known to bribe people with cookies and/or wine to get them to hang out with me, though I’m sure you’re above that kind of crassness. Oh, and I’m almost three-quarters done with your book (which is fabulous, BTW. And I love that besties like us can use abbreviations like BTW). It’s a great book. I’m glad I suggested/pushed it to my book club.

Having you click that ‘Follow’ button has meant so much to me. While I know I’m at the bottom of the pecking order of your other 20,000 favorites, I’m sure I’ll distinguish myself from the rest in a not-creepy-or-stalkerish way. Nope. Not me. I mean, we have so much in common. You have 300,000-plus followers, and I have 215. You’ve been on the NY Times Bestseller List. I can’t find an agent. Your followers include Neil Gaiman and Wil Wheaton. My followers include my three children. You struggle with anxiety attacks and rheumatoid arthritis. I’ve had ovarian cancer and embarrass myself in public on a regular basis. (Remind me to tell you about tap dancing for the security cameras in our local grocery store.) See? Twinsies.

I’ll admit that having you listed as a follower has made me check Twitter at least twenty times in the last day or so – sure there’s been a mistake and you’ll unfollow me once you figure it out. Who knows? Maybe your cat jumped on your keyboard at the wrong time. Maybe something distracted you and you pushed the wrong button. Maybe you got hacked and the hacker thought it’d be funny to follow as many nobodies as he/she/it could.

Whatever the reason, I hope you stick around. I hope I improve your Tweet stream the same way you improve mine. I will never hardly ever try to sell you something unless I really believe in it, will never ask you to send me a birthday tweet, and will always be on your side. I can’t really offer anything else unless you’re into toast or dust bunnies. I’ve got loads of those. Other things? Not so much.

All kidding aside, I’m so very grateful you followed me. And I really hope it wasn’t a mistake. If it was, can you let me down gently? Can you keep me around for a couple of weeks, just so I can revel in my delusions?

Your newest BFF thanks you. You’re awesome to the power of awesome. (I’d say something funny using ‘fuck’ or ‘vagina’ but, honestly, I got nuthin’.)

With love and non-anxiety-provoking hugs,



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