My Life Is Dog Pee

Really, it is. Casey the Soggy Springer has managed to dribble just about everywhere there is floor. She would give Houdini a run for his money at being an escape artist, because she can shinny out of a dog diaper in about 0.12 seconds. I’ve clipped it to her fur, tightened the velcro, pinned it together – no luck whatsoever. I’m approaching the staple-it-on-the-damn-dog stage, which is not a good stage to be.

2014-05-02 11.37.05

On the plus side, my kitchen has been mopped twice in three days. So there’s that.

She’s also decided to shred every bit of garbage in the house she can sink her teeth into – kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms are all up for grabs for her. She especially loves the youngest sprog’s garbage, because he snacks a lot and he still lives with us. But mainly he snacks a TON – he is a firm believer in the Hobbit eating schedule (which I’ve loosely adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien):

Breakfast, snack, Second Breakfast, snack, First Lunch, snack, Second Lunch, snack, Dinner, snack, dessert, snack, snack, snack. Your Hobbit meals may vary.

Since youngest works at a grocery store, he can buy his own foodstuffs. Which means he buys deliciousness all the time, and has wrappers and bags and all sorts of interesting things in his garbage. Which the Dog of Enormous Badness dives into with a glee not unlike a toddler in a candy shop. Today, I was gone for approximately five minutes, and when I returned, I caught her standing on youngest sprog’s bed, trying to reach something in the middle of his desk. She didn’t even hear me come in the house, she was so intent on her prize. She’d already torn apart the garbage, naturally, and was looking for something more substantial.

The Dog of Enormous Badness and Sogginess is locked in her kennel now. With a diaper on, I hope.

And I am contemplating vodka shots at 11:30 in the morning.

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